as i lay in bed last night, i realized how precious little time i have left here among my friends and family, the community i have come to hold so dear. that time is already so full with promised cups of coffee and last chances for goodbyes. its a little overwhelming, to be honest.
my heart, as of late, has been torn in two directions. on the one hand, i do desire to have those last meetings- to carve time out of my life to catch up and pour into the lives of the people that have been meaningful to me, though many i have lost touch with. i guess sometimes, for me especially, it takes the coming of a long absence to remember all the people that have touched my life. that is unfortunate, as i am not afforded nearly the hours in a day, nor the days left on this soil to possibly have those times with each person i would wish.
on the other hand, i very much wish to continue life as normal. i have found something in the last few months here to be coveted. the group of people that God has brought into my life as of late have shaped me, grown me, changed me, more than i could have imagined, more indeed than i even know. it is to these people, this odd assortment, that i owe the anxiety of separation so new to me.
in the past, i have always looked forward to leaving, seen my trips and undertakings as a chance of escape, adventure, something to break the mundane droll of the every day, knowing that the relations i have at the time of leaving will still be there when i return, to be picked back up. today, as i sit in my third floor chicago bedroom, amidst half packed boxes of belongings and skeletons of bikes i promise myself ill work on, it haunts me to think i will be leaving all this until january. i can rationalize and say four months is not that long, and it isnt, and maybe i am being melodramatic. nonetheless, the absence of these people in my life and my life in theirs, the knowledge that i am going to miss on all that passes between them in the months to come pulls me from dreams of a dark continent and adventure, back into today, and what a precious thing i have here.
i thank God for that. it is a gift beyond measure to have something that holds you where you are, something that you regret leaving, roots in people that go deep and bring life.
i havent blogged in a while-whatever that means. so i apologize if much of what i said here was incoherent ramblings. it was more that i needed to say it, or write it, or whatever. it was more for me, so i can know it. im sure most people who will read this are looking for updates, and ill do my best at that. hopefully this will be something profitable. as i said, im pretty rusty.
if this is the first youve heard of my trip, let me say, i havent left yet. as the title suggests, i have a week before i fly halfway around the world. ill go more into detail on what i am doing specifically in the next post in a few days. suffice it to say for now that i dont really know. i want to be open to wherever the wind blows, however the spirit moves, and all that entails.
if you made it to this point, let me congratulate you. that was quite long. i do very much appreciate your curiosity in regards to my life. i promise that future posts will be more informative, but right now ive got more going on in my head than is physically happening.
ill close with this- to those people who i mentioned, and you know who you are, i love you all very much. and i will miss you with all my heart.
to those who have made the effort to see me in my final weeks- thank you as well. you are meaningful and beautiful. thank you for taking the time to see me.
to those whose lives, mine or yours, would not permit a face to face conversation- i am sorry that i have so little time. hopefully, our paths will cross again in another time
to those interested readers- thank you for your interest. this will be the best way to stay updated on whats going on with me in the next few months of my life. as i said, i hope it is profitable
i wish you each peace and joy in the months to come.
all my love
jon
